How My Extraordinary Life and Death started.
In one of my books that hasn’t been published yet (and may never be) my main character goes to the funeral of a man who never did anything very exciting with his life. Here is what the minister said at the funeral:
‘We all remember what a wonderful man Reg was. Every day, Reg would go to the shop. He would wave to people on the way, and they would wave back, for he was much loved by the local community. He would have conversations at the shop, because everyone was Reg’s friend. And then Reg would buy the goods he required at the shop – sometimes milk, sometimes bread, sometimes both - and he would return home. He did this every day of his life for many, many years. He walked to the shop and came back. That’s the sort of man he was. Friendly, cheerful and very fond of walking to the shop.’
My life isn’t quite as dull as poor old Reg’s. But when I was asked to do a blog for the The Centre for Youth Literature at The State Library of Victoria, I realised that my life is not very dramatic. I write books and TV scripts for a living. I enjoy my work – especially the book writing – but it isn’t exactly adventurous. Most days I start work at the computer at seven in the morning. At nine I ride an exercise bike for an hour then I get back to work. I finish work at around four thirty then watch the SBS news. At night I go to the pictures or read a book or sometimes I write some more. I am not an adrenalin freak. I have never bungy-jumped or done anything that might endanger my life, save for living in St Kilda. I haven’t broken a single bone in my body, not even a rib. This is because I have chosen a rather safe and agreeable life for myself. Very few people have had terrible accidents while reading a book or sitting at a computer. There’s a reason why there isn’t a reality show about people sitting on exercise bikes. It just isn’t interesting enough.
The people at the State Library told me I had to make three contributions a week to my blog. I did what I was told and I started to fall asleep as I typed. Even I was bored. How could I make my life more interesting? Like most writers, I decided to make things up. I spent four weeks writing about my imaginary life, using dozens of old pictures from a site called Project Gutenberg. It’s full of wonderful books – many illustrated - that are no longer in copyright.
Most of the pictures in My Extraordinary Life and Death come from one source within Project Gutenberg: The Banbury Chapbooks. Check it out when you visit the site. There are plenty of bizarre pictures that may inspire you to create your own imaginary life story. I made it a rule that I wasn’t allowed to change the pictures. I had to use them exactly as they first appeared. (When my ridiculous blog actually became a book, however, the designer very sensibly enhanced just a few of the images that weren’t quite as clear as the others.)
The pictures I chose were mainly woodcuts, which means they were pictures that had originally been carved into blocks of wood. The bits of wood that weren’t carved away were covered in ink, then printed onto paper. Some artists were very skilled with their wood carving. A few of the pictures come from a book called The Dance of Death, by Hans Holbein. They are beautifully macabre pictures that feature skeletons and people doing various unpleasant things. It must have taken ages to carve these little masterpieces into the wood. The picture of Adam and Eve is by Albrecht Durer, who is probably the most famous woodcut artist (or engraver) of all time. Gustave Dore, another famous artist, provided the picture of the little imps.
Mike: 'Blast you, sir, that’s my lamb chop.'
mgb: 'Even if he did say that your bum looks big in those pants, it’s no reason to shoot him.'
Charlotte: 'Don’t shoot! I know we’ve managed to knock out the whole crew, but we’re on the wrong boat.'
Haddy: 'I wasnt going to shoot him, I was aiming for his atrocious hat.'
Kate: 'Little did the two mutineers know, Captain McDuff had placed a shop mannequin in his place and was sailing off with all the rum.'
Jane: 'I'm not drunk,' said the captain, taking aim at the snake with his trusty pipe.
Dave : 'For heaven's sake, Anderson, he’s already got a headache.'
Cassandra: Though annoyed by Smythe-Wetherby’s shameless imitation of my personal style, I said nothing. But when he appeared on deck sporting a ponytail, something within me snapped.
I never intended for the blog to be made into a book. After seeing it, Ford Street publisher Paul Collins insanely offered me a contract within a day. I begged him to reconsider, because I was worried that it might not be strong enough to stand alone as a book. I am probably the only writer in history who tried to convince his publisher not to publish. Then I met designer Grant Gittus. (Amazingly, Grant and I both had our work published in the very same issue of the Melbourne Age newspaper when we were twelve. How precocious is that?) Grant had some very good ideas about how to adapt the blog into a book. He set my mind at rest and now I think that the end result is smashing.
Once I signed the contract I thought that doing the book would be fairly simple, since it already existed on the blog. Then I decided to add plenty of new stuff and get rid of some of the boring bits. There are probably about a dozen different versions of this story. Everyone, you see, has a unique sense of humour. The bits that I liked weren’t always the bits that the editor liked. We started to argue about whether it was funny or merely stupid to have boys stuck together with superglue. (In the end we decided it was stupid.) And did that picture of the boy with his foot falling off really deserve to be in the book? (We decided it didn’t.) Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story and feel inspired to create your own pieces of nonsense, using pictures to give you plenty of ridiculous ideas.
Doug MacLeod
To read other blogs from authors who aren't such enormous liars as Doug MacLeod, please visit the official website of The Centre for Children's Literature at The State Library of Victoria - Insideadog.